♪ XUN grande musical :3

Monday, September 22, 2008

-哀 ; KANESHI

Because i only blog when im upset, angry and unhappy. Seldom when I am happy . I know some ppl blog on happiness and love , for remembrance. I blog because i feel the need to pour out my upsetting emotions inside me .

"If something is truly happy, I always remember it ."

But for things i write here, are to be forgotten . To be vented out, to be gone .

My friendship story .

I am not going to go back and be long winded to explain how i've always had failed relationships, and how despite being the noisy and crazy person I am , ppl around me feel they cant seem to step in my world because i have CLOSED with a capital ED off the relationship door and opened many "acquaintences only" halls .

My first Girl .

Hui Min.

4 years of love. Broke over lack of trust in me .
Shattered and almost broke down .

yeah, happy go lucky me almost broke down .

After her, no 1 came closer to me . She was the only girl on this face of the earth i would drop everything for and she was the no.1 in my life . I treasured her over anything else .

But she failed to trust me for who I am .

She understood me, completely. Till the extent to knowing i dont like to explain things to anyone or anybody for anything . But when she misunderstood me, i saw her as an exception and went to explain .

She took my exception for her as an excuse and charged me guilty .

Devastated i was . And still am .

Throuh the years of broken love, she found out i wasnt lying .
But the relationship had already been destroyed .

My second girl .

Hui Yun .

I was at fault here . I was too idiotic and over-reacted to something about her boy-friend(normal male friend) being egoistic . Destroyed both out birthday chalet . Definitely angry and upset because she felt i was venting anger because i had been upset at my parents . The blow up became too big to handle and love was thus gone .

Till date, I still see ppl mocking her for being my "ex-girl friend" and god, you dont know how much it hurts to see her trying hard to laugh it off .

Dont wish to say much about her, otherwise she will be mocked at again and this is the last thing i want .

The next lady in waiting .

I knew her through this stpid game online which many ppl i love now all love it . Lawl. when i 1st met her, she was thig pro girl somewhere and she was very fun to be with . I always seen her around with others but we never did spoke .

Through a guy friend online, i got to know her . She was initially very wary of me but i do not know why . She had seemed to be very self-protective and would talk cautiously most of the time .
(I got to know after donkey years later that she thought i was asking her guy to break off with her)

Anyway this siaocharbor started stalking me around and watching me talk to other guys or girls she realised i talk to everyone the same no matter guy girl ah gua animal *coughs*

We started to play together really often and often stalking each other non stop . I always liked to see who she was playing with and would peep at her no matter where she was even though i didnt step in her room . Funny thing was, she told me she did the same stupid thing too . We clicked off immediately and enjoyed each other's company .

I guess, one part that made the friendship so strong was because we were both very possessive till its quite scary . We were those either all or nothing kinds , and we only wanted each other . She was there when i went mad for a month facing the computer . I was there when she was alone feeling unwanted , crying her eyes out . We consoled each other the way we knew best, through simple words on the flat screen monitor . Soon enough, over a year of communicating online just wasnt enough anymore . We had to meet each other in real to concrete our mad online friendship .

And so she came, with her bags and all , to stay at a hotel for a month . ^^ We had fun going out, hanging around, meeting ppl who wanted to meet her, eating Maggi downstairs my block, gossiping, making each other up (although not much for me) .
BUT.

Being close together wasnt the most easiest thing to do . Friendship can only get that far with compromising . Many upsetting things happened , many unseen truths surfaced , which all boiled over because we didnt really exactly use the correct method to solve things .

We started to be like strangers . Not talking . Until the day she left for home , I didnt even see her off . But unknowingly to her, she took a part of me when she left .
Because the misunderstandings that happened between us was not something that weas easily solved, but thankfully. It was just expectations of the friendships that needed to be changed . It had nothing to do with our love for each other .

I had, initially disliked her way of bearing grudges had hoped she would eventually learn how to let things go, and not take things too hard . Of course, sometimes she misunderstood me by saying I dont understand her and that she just wished ppl wont take her for granted and step all over her head, which is why she got so agitated each time .
Resentment just grew between the both of us and we just kept drifting apart . Every single cantact and politeness for each other resulted in angry drawls and throwing sarcasm in each other's faces . We only had one choice left,
To carry our hurt prides with us and let thelove die by itself .

Then slowly, time took it's toil and she, being such a kaypoh came to my guild's forum and saw a thread which was to let ppl vent their anger. And she was what i had written on a day I quarrelled with her .

After reading what i wrote, she proceeded to leave a msg on my rusting fs. Telling me to add her back in msn . Which i stupidly did . and we talked things through . she came back to SG again soon enough and guess what ?

we were chummies again .
We are still together .
We SURVIVED the breakup .
And just ytd, we were holding hands and shopping together .
Just like how Jun kor wished for .
My point in this post,
Is to show how versatile relationships around us are. We may hold different expectations at different times. and when expectations are not met, there will be disappointments .
It is inevitable. But it can be compromised .
We may not see it when it comes, but we will definitely feel the hurtwear off eventually, in time to come .
There is no use scolding and pulling each others hair off and using the pent up frustrations to scar each other's pride with hurting words .
Because at the end of the day, a measure of the relationship is gained . What both of you had felt for the love will SHOW it self . We can all go on an endless debating whether a relationship had been cherished, returned kindly, whether u wasted ur time on how many morons with a "friend" tag appearing in ur life and how many donkey years of ur life was spent with that moron .

If it is relationship meant to be kept, it will stay there, and nothing can move it away . When the time has washed away the hurt, injured egos and pride . It is the love for each other which will eventually bare itself for all to see .
If the love was just nothing, it will be gone . And nothing will be worth the while .
And that's when we know whether that friend had been worth the keep .
Nothing is perfect in this world . No relationship can be without it's ups and downs . enjoy the ups, and brace the downs . Ultimately when you both care for each other,

it shines from your hearts .

love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction .

♪ XUN`licious__ [x 2:51 PM <3